Examining Sin vs Self-Abuse

I have found in my journey that the messages I hear from the evangelical church is very focused on brokenness.  I have heard message after message focused on understanding how unworthy and awful we are.  The general idea is to emphasize God's grace and our need for Jesus.  For someone like me who suffers from depression though, all that means is that I'm basically getting reinforcement of all the negative messages I already tell myself.  It's not a healthy existence, and that constant barrage took quite a toll on me.

Beyond that, I had some people in the church telling me that the reason I was depressed was because I had sins I hadn't repented of.  They encouraged me to pray to find hidden sins that I needed to confess.  Fortunately for me, these particular people loved me and listened to me as I educated them about depression (and credited me later for teaching them), but I have heard many stories where people weren't so fortunate.  Linking depression to sins is a dangerous approach.

Another interesting thing I've noticed from people in the evangelical church is this urgent need to create sin where there is none.  I have had conversations with people where they were telling me of a relationship or a bible study or an event that they were really excited about, but then they would say that they are afraid they might be making an idol out of that event.  Even in entirely spiritual endeavors, the idea that the focus might be off a couple of degrees was ever present and a concern towards idolatry.  This kind of "surely I have to be screwing up somehow" mentality is quite common in evangelical environments.  Repentance has value, but creating sins to repent of is problematic.

However, even as I find myself trying to break free of this mentality, I find myself afraid of the results.  If I offer myself grace, how long until I start excusing myself for anything?  There are ethics I still need to adhere to, and there are sins I still need to avoid and repent of.  I don't want to fall into a mentality of allowing myself do things I shouldn't or avoiding things I should, so I remain excessively harsh on myself.  This is not an uncommon facet of depression, but even knowing that, the truth of it still remains ever present in my mind.


So how do we hold ourselves accountable responsibly while not destroying ourselves in the process?  What marks the line between examining sin and self-abuse?